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Name
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Law
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Claim to Fame
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Anderson's Law
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Nothing takes 5 minutes.
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Jim Anderson 2009
2008-2009 AES President
Professor, Tisch School of the Arts
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Berrra's Law
Mark's Law
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In theory, there's no difference between theory and
practice, but in practice, there is.
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Yogi Berra
Contributed by Jay Mark, 2009.
Attributed to Yogi Berra, 2009.
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Blasingame's First Law
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When operating in the vacuum of a studio, time moves
faster than anywhere else in the Universe.
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Joe Blasingame, 2009
Blasingame Audio Productions
St. Louis, MO
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Blasingame's Second Law
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No matter how fast and effective an audio engineer
works, to the paying client it's like molasses.
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Joe Blasingame 2009
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Boden's Law
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If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong
experiment.
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Brosious' Law
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The components you have will expand to fill the
available space.
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Hamilton Brosious, then with Audiotechniques, Gear
Purveyor. Now with Digibid, Gear Purveyor of the new Millennia.
n.b. Ebay ended up eating Digibid's lunch. They are now Post
Toasties.
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Calbi's Law
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Nothing is as easy as it looks.
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Greg Calbi, mastering engineer: The Cutting Room @
Record Plant NYC, Sterling Sound, Masterdisc. (2009)
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Capps' Law
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If it can find a way to wear out faster, it will.
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Capps makes disc recording styli.
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Cato's Law
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The merchandise you need the quickest will be shipped
the slowest way.
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I hope this isn't OJ's pal, Cato!
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Chinn’s First Law
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If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing!
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Rick Chinn,
Audio guy (2009)
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Chinn’s Second Law
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The last 1dB is a bitch!
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Rick Chinn (2010)
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Dozier's Law
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Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive
expectations yield negative results.
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LaMont Dozier, Producer & Songwriter.
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Duncan's Law
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When in doubt, mumble.
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Kent Duncan, Kendun Recorders. Recording and Mastering Facility
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Eberle's Laws
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- Once a job is fouled
up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
- No matter what
results are expected, someone is always willing to take it.
- No matter what occurs,
someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.
- No matter what the
result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.
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Appears to be part of Murphy's Laws.
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Eichelburger’s Law
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Never try to stop a falling razor blade. (apparently based on personal experience.)
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Gene Eichelburger, independent mixer/engineer,
Nashville.
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Emmerman's Law
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In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among
alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible
course.
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Mack Emmerman, Criteria Studios, Miami FL.
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Evan's Law
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Every man has a scheme that will not work.
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Ferguson’s Law of bovine behavior
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People, when in groups of 4 or more, tend to take on the
characteristics of cattle: they wander aimlessly, clogging the path. This
is especially true at theme parks and other places of public gathering.
|
Rick Chinn
Audio Guy (2009)
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Fulginiti's Law
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In a heirarchical organization, the higher the level,
the greater the confusion.
|
Greg Fulginiti, mastering engineer, Sterling Sound,
Artisan Sound Recorders, Masterdisk
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Garay's Law
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An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
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Val Garay, Engineer and Producer
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Golden's Law
|
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with
two watches is never sure.
aka Segall's Law.
|
John Golden, mastering engineer: Artisan Sound
Recorders, Kendun, K-Disc, and John Golden Mastering.
(2009)
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Gray's Law
|
In any collection of data, the figures that are
obviously correct beyond all need of checking contain the errors.
Corrollary 1: No one you ask for help will see the error either.
Corrollary 2: Any nagging intruder who stops by with unsought advice will spot
it immediately
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Kevin Gray, mastering engineer.
(2009)
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Grundman's Law
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Under the most carefully controlled conditions of
presure, temperature, humidity and other variables, the system will perform
as it damn well pleases.
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Bernie Grundman, Mastering Engineer & Educator
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Guy's Law
|
The probabillity of a given event occurring is inversely
proportional to its desirability.
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Steve Guy, Location Recording Service (2009)
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Hansch's Law
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Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
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Jo Hansch, mastering engineer: Festival
Records-Australia, Kendun, Artisan Sound Recorders, K-Disc, Dinkum.
(2009)
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Harned's Law
|
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them
is to use a bigger can.
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Jeep Harned, founder, MCI
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Harrison's Law
|
There is always an easy answer to every problem - neat,
plausible and wrong.
|
Dave Harrison, Harrison consoles, inventor of the inline
console topology.
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Harry’s Law
|
A man has got to know his limitations. See also, Voishvillo’s
Law.
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Dirty Harry, movie cop. (2009)
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Hazen’s Law of multitrack recording
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No matter how many tracks your machine has, there will
always be something else that needs to be overdubbed onto that cut on the
tape.
|
Lee Hazen, recording engineer, Nashville. (2009)
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Putnam’s Corrollary to Hazen’s Law
|
When Hazen’s law is invoked, just unplug the erase head
and record over the spot.
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Norbert Putnam, Engineer. (2009)
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Hidley's Law
|
Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do
the work.
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Tom Hidley, Studio designer, Westlake Audio
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Hufker's Law
|
If at first you don't succeed, you're using the wrong
hammer.
|
Eugene Hufker
Contributed (2009) by his son, Barry,
Hufker Recording
St. Louis, MO
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Hulko's Law
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A theory is better than its explanation.
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Lee Hulko, mastering engineer, Sterling Sound, one of
the original owners.
Also known as Woodward’s law (2009)
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Ingoldsby's Law
|
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread
to butter.
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Brian Inglodsby, MCA.
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Karl's Law
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When time is of the essence, all fixes have failed, and
the show must go, then: one man's buzz is another man's line noise.
|
Karl Johnson, 2009
Audio Engineer
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Kelsey's Law
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Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will
establish yourself as an expert.
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Knight's Law
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A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick
in the pants.
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Mickey Knight, creator of this list.
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Leek's Law
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An experiment may be considered if no more than half
your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.
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Lightner's Law
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If it happens, it must be possible.
|
Bill Lightner: mastering engineer @ K-Disc.
(2009)
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Lippell's Law
|
If a research project is not worth doing, it is not
worth doing well.
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Ludwig's Law
|
The other line moves faster
|
Bob Ludwig, Mastering Engineer
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Marino's Law
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Everything takes longer than you think it will.
|
George Marino, mastering engineer: The Cutting Room @
Record Plant NYC, Sterling Sound.
(2009)
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Meadow's Law
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It won't work.
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Glenn Meadows, Masterfonics
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Meier’s Law
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45% of all statistics are made up.
|
Doug Meier, Rock It Science Recording
Seattle, WA (2009)
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Merten's Law
|
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are
doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when
you spend all your itme reporting on the nothing you are doing.
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Mortensen’s First Law
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When using recorded music as a test source, the end of
the song always coincides with the beginning of the test.
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Dan Mortensen, Live Sound Engineer, Dansound Inc. (2009)
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Mortensen’s Second Law
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Someone else will always unknowingly choose To drop or
knock over an object and create a very loud, abrupt noise at the exact
moment you plug or unplug a connector. Good luck figuring out what the hell
that was.
|
Dan Mortensen (2009)
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Moyssiadis' Law
|
As soon as you mention somethng, if it's good, it goes
away; if it's bad, it happens.
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Dave Moyssiadis, mastering and recording engineer
(2009) ??
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Murphy’s Law
|
If it can go wrong, it will (usually in the worst
possible way).
Cohen’s Corrollary: When it does go wrong (and it will),
it will happen in the worst possible way. The toast always lands jam side
down.
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http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-laws.html
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Neumann's Law
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Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
(see also: Temmer's Law)
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Georg Neumann, microphone God.
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Nordahl's Law
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Everything goes wrong at once.
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Tore Nordahl, Studer & Neve. Now a consultant.
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Perry's Law
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If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be
disposed of.
|
Ken Perry, Mastering Engineer.
(2009)
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Peterit’s Law
|
When you absolutely positively must have some project
critical component shipped overnight, the shipper will invent a new way to
lose it.
|
Mark Petereit
Audio Engineer
|
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Reese's Law
|
There are two sides to every argument, unless a person
is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
|
Mike Reese, mastering engineer: The Mastering Lab
(2009)
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Rettinger's Law
|
Nothing is ever a complete failure. It can always serve
as a bad example.
|
Michael Rettinger, Acoustician.
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Ricker's Law
|
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail
the same way.
|
Stan Ricker, Mastering Engineer.
God of half-speed mastering.
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Roger’s Law
|
Never underestimate the power of a sufficiently large
number of stupid people.
|
Erik “E-Rock” Rogers
Live sound guy. (2009)
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Roth’s Law
|
At least 50% of all problems with a piece of electronic
equipment are because of connectors. The remainder is everything else.
|
Brian Roth,
Audio Guy (2009)
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Sax's Law
|
All laws are basically false.
|
Doug Sax, The Mastering Lab
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Schnee's Law
|
Anything that begins well will end badly. (note: the
converse of this law is not true.)
|
Bill Schnee, Engineer and Producer
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Simpson's Law
|
There is a quantity which, when multiplied by, divided
by, added to or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer
you should have gotten.
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Smith’s Law of Probability
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If there is a 50% chance of choosing correctly, the
incorrect choice will be made 75% of the time.
|
Bob Smith, Audio Engineer
BS Studios (2009)
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Smith’s Law of Product Development
|
If you get the prototype displays running first,
Marketing will sell it
and promise delivery before you can finish development.
|
Bob Smith, Audio Engineer
BS Studios (2009)
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Snoddy's Law
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It works better if you plug it in.
|
Glenn Snoddy, recording engineer. Discoverer of Fuzz as
an effect. Fuzztone
Origin
|
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Stamler's First Law
|
80% of the problems in audio are caused by a bad
connection someplace.
|
Contributed by Paul Stamler, (2009).
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Steele's Law
|
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum well
being.
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Stone's Law
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Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
|
Chris Stone, founder and owner of the Record Plant.
aka Farber's Fourth Law.
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Storyk's Law
|
The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount
of time spent in the office.
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John Storyk, Studio Designer.
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Stuart's Law
|
The worse they are, the more verses they know.
|
John Stuart, recordist of more folksingers than you can
shake a stick at, (2009).
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Tarsia's First Law
|
The obvious answer is always overlooked.
|
Joe Tarsia, Sigma Sound, Philadelphia.
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Tarsia's Second Law
|
When booking recording studios, pick any two out of
three:
Fast | Cheap | Good
- You can get your
product fast and cheap... but it isn't going to sound good.
- You can get it cheap
and good... but it won't be done fast.
- You can get it good
and fast... but it won't be cheap.
|
Mike Tarsia, Sigma Sound, Philadelphia.
(2009)
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Temmer's Law
|
If I don't make or sell it, it isn't any good. (see
also, Neumann’s Law)
|
Stephen Temmer, Gotham Audio, importer of Neumann
Microphones.
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Todrank's Law
|
There are two types of people:
those who divide people into two types, and those who do not.
|
Bob Todrank, purveyor of Gear.
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Voishvillo’s Law
|
There are only two types of
engineers:
·
those who know that they do not know
·
those who do not know that they do not know.
|
Alex Voishvillo
Acoustical Engineer (2009)
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Voishvillo’s 2nd Law
|
Never show an uncompleted project to a fool.
|
Alex Voishvillo
Acoustical Engineer (2010)
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Westlake's Law
|
The first 90 percent of the project takes 90 percent of
the time, and the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.
|
Westlake Audio, purveyor of Gear and studio systems.
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Wilcox' Law
|
In any endeavor, two thirds of the work is done by
one-third of the participants.
|
Peter Wilcox
Wannabe dobro player (by his own admission) 2009
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Woram's Law
|
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from magic.
|
John Woram, Engineer and Author
Propounded by Sci-Fi writer, Arthur C. Clarke, 1962.
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Zentz's Law
|
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling
to get out.
|
Alan Zentz, Mastering Engineer and studio owner.
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